just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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