Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
