bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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