Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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