i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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