stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
