I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
