my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
