im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
