none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
