I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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