If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
