i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
