he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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