my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
