but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
