that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
