you traded sex for a burrito?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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