i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
