I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just cut my nipple shaving
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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