my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
