I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
