I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
