Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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