My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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