Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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