Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
