Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
