You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
