Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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