Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
