you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
