how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
