The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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