I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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