Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
