this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
