Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
