why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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