I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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