I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
