The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Naked Twister starts at high noon
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
