The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
