Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
