She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
