I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
