how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
