it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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