she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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