you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
