How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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