I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
